Swarthy & 'Fro

Subscribe to get Full Access

Dedication

Dedicated to a kueen who wished to find true love, but he gave up due to being surrounded by those who did not care for true love. This is his personal story. I love you Dolour.

~Solace

---

Synopsis

A man who felt alienated ever since he was a little boy tries to reclaim the abuse when older. But he soon wonders, “am I doing this the right way?”

---

Once, there was a baby named Dolour—his parents gave him the color blue. When he was a lil’ boy they gave him an action figure, too. And when he was a teenager, his mother and father taught him how to cherish a young lady, altogether. 

But they did not know when Dolour was a child that he wanted to play with a barbie doll. They did not know he was friends with mostly girls, because he could not relate to other boys in this world. When he was a teenager, his parents could only dawn him going to the prom where only the crowned king and queen are seen as a psalm. 

Instead, Dolour asked out of all the boys he liked but they’ve turned out to be straight and there’s nothing wrong with that nor is there any debate. And even though few still friended him, there were others still confused with hate. 

But it was at this day Dolour’s fairytales began to wither away—left with parents who couldn’t understand their own son’s orientational stand; he was forgotten during school dances upon others who had chances. And when that day was over, he teared himself to sleep because there was no Fairy Godmother to Charm his lonely keep. 

This is a scene from a damaged “Kueen.” 

When Dolour finally graduated high school like a tadpole out of a miry pool, he reminisced about his past and how he was used as a tool. To some girls, he was a jokester, hairstylist, and fashionista wrapped in pearls. To some boys, he felt like a toy—bullied and readied to be deployed. 

This young man thought and sought a different way of life, one where he’s not a tool nor toy going through strife. Instead of trying to solace other young men who felt they’ll never find love upon Earth’s gren, he decided to “take back” his past through the selfish and grim. He’d pursued men who’d never identified as him, for though he thought this will revive his once pure light that dimmed during that mere lonely night. Slowly but surely, Dolour used archaic masculinity his parents secretly wanted him to be, fully. He materialized internalized hatred against all things effeminate, even though the “Kueen” himself once loved and savored it. 

When Dolour spoke to friends as if his words were winds that blew upon the mountain ben, his co-workers, either friend or foe, began to fetishize his sexuality. Eventually, he thought that kind of acceptance could be his only personality. Again, the “Kueen” didn’t want his loneliness to turn into a poisonous apple, so he began to grapple with the starvation of stereotypes, and turned to what ignorance saw as his only way of life. 

Dolour began to sleep with men—both disclosures that are not presented, both exposures that are unprotected. This caused a disease such as H.I.V to get retracted—a substance anyone might receive to get infected when the disease decides to finally become detected. 

Dolour surrounded himself with these men who didn’t care whether or not he’ll survive this epidemic anywhere. He didn’t want to understand they only saw him as a one-night stand and that they may move on with deceitful lies as he, the “Kueen,” strives. And through this disease not only did he begin to refuse health, but he was also starting to lose himself. 

That once sociable, happy, and caring young boy wasn’t taught how to talk about his insecurity due to toxic masculinity. Oh, how his smile has turned to dust and withered away into the troubles of lust. Oh, how he has forgotten to not only have sympathy for the people who may care about his sanity but to have empathy for his very own community.

And as Dolour questioned his lively-hood and vanity—he notion, “Why do I feel I will never find my true love? So we can dance in a castle upon a kingdom of new love? Why do I seek validation from men who may truly see me as the one and only sin? Why do I keep looking for admiration from those who can’t see me more than temptation? Is there a way for me to be set free from isolation? Is there a day when I can have a loving family from desolation? Be a father… maybe pet owner? Travel the world as the Earth twirl? And not be that damaged “Kueen” coworkers rumored to have only seen?” 

For though Dolour knew there was nothing wrong with being a bottom, but he felt confused because everyone saw it as the “lowest totem.”

This is a scene from a damaged “Kueen.”

Once the man grew older and slept upon questions—his answers never grew bolder and left him in depression. He subconsciously believed the world when it would say, “You were never meant for unconditional love to truly stay.” He subconsciously believed the world when it would say, “you are only an accessory to help others today.” He uninvitingly retrieved the motion of this notion, “you can’t raise a family with two fathers in devotion.” Surely, since he never accepted his natural beauty, he went on thinking he can only be used which led to him being emotionally and sometimes physically abused.

---

Subscribe to Read the Full Version